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Sunday, 3 May 2009

"BANG!" and a life lived...



*a deafening BOOM!*

*dust settling*

Throat parched, eyes blinded, ears shrill, his life flashed past...

**Aged 4**
"Bang! Die, bad men! Bang!"
 
"Amrit, now will you please put away your gun and have your lunch!"


"Mumma, I want to become an army-man when I grow up! No enemies! Only friends!"
*beams the endearingly darnest of smiles that only kids can flash*


**Army training**
"Listen up lilly-livered layabout green-horns! This is a rifle! *holds it up* Not one of those musical guns you held as a brat!"

**Reality**

Men shrieking in pain,
It is war, he can't explain,
And as he lay, on the field, bleeding,
"Will I live to see all this ending..?"
He prayed, tears in eyes,
He breathes, just once. Dies.
- - -

A classic case of what started as a 55Fiction, ended up as a Drabble. A drabble, by the way, is very similar to a 55Fiction; the only difference being the word limit, which is a hundred or less. Discounting the scene descriptions (content between the asterisks), this composition runs to 99 words.

100 comments:

The Pink Orchid said...

me firsttt!


i loved the way you have presented it.. drabble sounds cool... will give it a shot too.. :D good going Kartz!

WarmSunshine said...

BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I don't have words to express... you made it look like a film playing before my eyes!!!

Just beautiful buddy!

P.S. I hope I am first :P

Velu said...

Ah but the description can never be discounted. :)

Cheers,
Velu

AD said...

if i can say so,
you just shot me :)

oo7 said...

100% truth.
dedicate this to all the brave soldiers who protect us.

i salute them all.

tc i loved this post.

Mayz said...

liked d way u put across d difference in reality...

how perceptions change over time...well done bro

sawan said...

so with tht you told me tht even if i miss the ord count whle writin a 55 fiction, i could still come up with a tag - drabble!! :)

btw, did i tell you tht the narration is awesome.. maybe ter is no connection, but the moment i read it, i thought of soorya in the army flight in varanam aayiram :)

even i wanted to be in army :) even got selected in the all india test! got rejected during group discussion, tht was in 2000, i din know to speak hindi then :) lol, shhhh!!!! :)

jayu said...

Kartik Swaminathan-I salute you.Take a bow.
Brilliant!

V. Archana said...

oohhhh... what grief and pain. such a pathetic situation u`v well explained. :)

Sneha said...

Profound and emotional.Beautiful composition from accomplished hands.:)

яノςんム said...

left me speechles!! as always..
but this is very close to reality.. loved it..

55 fiction is the in thing..
and next big things seems to be the drabble :D

thumbs up!!

bondgal_rulz said...

*Bows to thee*

*Thinking it unsufficient, bows some more* :P

Bloody brilliant work man!!!

The scenes played out in front of me live.

Sigh! The futility of war. :(

And Drabble....hmmmm...nice. :)

*Applauses as a last effort to convey what a great piece of work it is*

Cheers

mona said...

Brilliant stuff kartz!! few words conveying a lot of emotions...some hard-hitting lines out there..."will i live to see all this ending?"...i hope i do!!

mindboggling... wonderful read... keep writing... cheers!!

Pallav said...

Due..ths is seriously..Brilliantly written....

i must tell u...awesomly written n very well pen down..

Cheers :P
Pallav

Towards reclamation said...

niiice... :)
u r gettin better and better ... :)

Little Girl Lost said...

very strong narration kartz... you wove in a lot with just 99 words :)

Vinnie said...

WOW!
no enemies, only friends...:)
the poem is a great piece...why didnt u tell me about drabble before??? i'm struggling with 55 limits!

ki said...

I liked the descriptions in between :)

And I'm going to try a drabble soon :)

Priya Joyce said...

sometimes u surprise me wth ur posts....

it truly is one of ur best ones :)

muthu said...

I love the idea of the drabble, as well as your idea of life flashing about when dying - i loved the story .......... but i thought that the flash back was a bit clichéd and could have been exquisite with a bit more twist.

cheers..

Priya said...

Good piece of writing.

Gail said...

Hi Kartz-
Your mind fascinates me and your written expressions and images take eme on a wild ride of emotion, many emotions.
You are so very talented and I just adore you.

Love Gail
peace.....

Gauri Mathur said...

It was an amazing post and I loved it Kartz!
Beutiful!

Keshi said...

Reality sucks big time.

Alot of the time we get sucked into our dreams n hopes that seem beautiful from AFAR.

I love the way u presented this post.

Keshi.

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

Beautifully written.....

There is a clear difference in each part shown....

I liked the aged4 one and got amazed at the reality thing...

Keep writing..:)

preeti said...

reality slaps hard. but do we have a choice?

kevin said...

Hmmm... Predictable. But nicely written. Especially that verse at the end!

verbivorehere said...

good that u dnt stick to 55..this was as good as a movie script..too touching topics yours are...almost always! :)

divyaiyer said...

I really like these 55s people write! So much said in such a few words :)

Loved this one too!

Jake said...

Swell, mate! :)

Ani said...

nicee.. loved the post.. and the narration..

dark-arthas said...

Reality, reality... Did I say - reality?

ANd btw, DoTA tourney over the weekend. :)

Overmind said...

sad... ah well, at least he lived his life. And realized, too...

Anonymous said...

Reality is such a killer! Hats off, whoever u are, kartz.

G said...

Cant help but WONDER... nice!!!

Sashu... said...

absolutely brilliant!! i juz loved it :)

Anonymous said...

A beauty! felt like it was my own father there... that last bit...

Chronicwriter said...

arumai.. 55 fiction soodu pidukudhu

chriz

AV said...

nice one... the poem alone said it all.. :)

Anonymous said...

reality bytes. period.

Anonymous said...

reality bytes. period.

Anonymous said...

reality bytes. period.

blake said...

Hmmm... neat one, man. U cud submit dis 4 a contest entry @ SW.

Blitz said...

touching, maannnn... :-(

Blitz said...

touching, maannnn... :-(

Kartz said...

##Kajal
Yes! U first! ;)

And thanks...

Kartz said...

##Mehreen
Thank you! :)

And you came a close second. :P

Kartz said...

##Velu
Ummm, it can be. I say so. :P

Thanks for the visit. And the read.

Kartz said...

##Seher
:( Sholly!

I am sure I'd ve missed. Bad aim, u see. :P*

Kartz said...

##Vikram
I agree, bro'... Thanks for the read.

Kartz said...

##Mayank
Thanks, dude!

Kartz said...

##Anil
Heh heh heh, yeah, tht's there. ;)

I dint like VA. Not mes taste. :|

Heh heh heh, but u r speaking it now. ;) Good luck if u ever decide to try again!

Kartz said...

##Jayu
You humble me, Auntie. :)

Kartz said...

##Archana
Thanks! :)

Kartz said...

##Sneha
Glad yo ulike it. :)

Kartz said...

##Richa
Thanks buddy. :)

Kartz said...

##Isha
His Lordship demands you to bow more. ;)

Heh heh heh, thanks a lot buddy. I hope to not become vain with all that appreciation and adulation. ;)

Kartz said...

##Mona
Thanks yaar... :)

Kartz said...

##Pallav
Thanks mate!

Kartz said...

##Siddharth
Lookie who's back! ;)

Ha ha, dude, the sky is my limit! :)

Kartz said...

##Amritorupa
Thanks! :)

Kartz said...

##Vinaya
Well, now u know! ;)

Kartz said...

##Kirti
Waiting! :)

Kartz said...

##Joyce
U mean to say I surprise u with good ones? :P* Bole to, the others are *ugh*? :P*

Thanks for the read, buddy. :)

Kartz said...

##Muthu
Clichéd, may be. But my limited imagination can't conjure twists when it comes to the vanity and futility of war. :(

Thanks for the visit. And the read.

Kartz said...

##Priya
Thank you ma'am!

Kartz said...

##Gail
Thank you! :)

Kartz said...

##Gauri
Beautiful mein spelling mistake. :P*

Thanks! ;)

Kartz said...

##Keshi
Thanks, dudette!

Kartz said...

##Mahesh
Thanks, dude!

Kartz said...

##Preeti
Ah! We do - make the choice before it makes u!

Kartz said...

##Kevin
Thansk!

Kartz said...

##Verbi
Thank you, ma'am! :)

Kartz said...

##DI
:) Thanks, ma'am!

Kartz said...

##Jake
Thanks!

Kartz said...

##Anila
Thanks buddy! :)

Kartz said...

##dark-arthas
Thanks! And yeah - registered!

Kartz said...

##Overmind
Thanks dude...

Kartz said...

##Anonymous
Thanks!

Kartz said...

##G
Thanks!

Kartz said...

##Sashu
Long time no see...

Thanks! :)

Kartz said...

##Anonymous
Thanks... And sorry if it brought harsh memories.

Kartz said...

##Chriz
This is drabble. :P*

Kartz said...

##Archana
Thanks buddy! :)

Kartz said...

##Anonymous
You said it...

Kartz said...

[spammer's can eff-O!] [spam comment deleted]

Kartz said...

##Blake
I don't post there anymore. THanks anyway!

Kartz said...

[spammer's can eff-O!] [spam comment deleted]

Kartz said...

[spammer's can eff-O!] [spam comment deleted]

Kartz said...

##Blitz
Thanks for the read...

Dheera Kitchlu said...

Karthik! That was so poignant...I loved the flash back to childhood and safety...wonderful writing. Thanks for tagging me.

I can't seem to get into your web page when I click on the link you send me....can you tell me what I am doing wrong?

Karthik said...

Drabble??? Am getting into new terms now!! Any more surprises?? Poems, stories.. :)

kanagu said...

Ah.. superb one Kartz.. :) :)

Kartz said...

##DheeraThank you, ma'am.

And from next time, please head straight to this page, rather than trying to access it from facebook.

Kartz said...

##KarthikThay just keep coming, don't they? ;)

Thanks for the visit. And the read.

Kartz said...

##KanagarajThanks, man... Hope you had an uber trip!

Pretty Me!! said...

55 fiction or drabble .. i loved it :)

Anonymous said...

What charming answer

Anonymous said...

Yes, almost same.

Anonymous said...

Genial post and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you on your information.

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