*a deafening BOOM!*
*dust settling*
Throat parched, eyes blinded, ears shrill, his life flashed past...
**Aged 4**
"Bang! Die, bad men! Bang!"
"Amrit, now will you please put away your gun and have your lunch!"
"Mumma, I want to become an army-man when I grow up! No enemies! Only friends!" *beams the endearingly darnest of smiles that only kids can flash*
"Amrit, now will you please put away your gun and have your lunch!"
"Mumma, I want to become an army-man when I grow up! No enemies! Only friends!" *beams the endearingly darnest of smiles that only kids can flash*
**Army training**
"Listen up lilly-livered layabout green-horns! This is a rifle! *holds it up* Not one of those musical guns you held as a brat!"
**Reality**
Men shrieking in pain,
It is war, he can't explain,
And as he lay, on the field, bleeding,
"Will I live to see all this ending..?"
He prayed, tears in eyes,
He breathes, just once. Dies.
- - -
A classic case of what started as a 55Fiction, ended up as a Drabble. A drabble, by the way, is very similar to a 55Fiction; the only difference being the word limit, which is a hundred or less. Discounting the scene descriptions (content between the asterisks), this composition runs to 99 words.
100 comments:
me firsttt!
i loved the way you have presented it.. drabble sounds cool... will give it a shot too.. :D good going Kartz!
BEAUTIFUL!!!!
I don't have words to express... you made it look like a film playing before my eyes!!!
Just beautiful buddy!
P.S. I hope I am first :P
Ah but the description can never be discounted. :)
Cheers,
Velu
if i can say so,
you just shot me :)
100% truth.
dedicate this to all the brave soldiers who protect us.
i salute them all.
tc i loved this post.
liked d way u put across d difference in reality...
how perceptions change over time...well done bro
so with tht you told me tht even if i miss the ord count whle writin a 55 fiction, i could still come up with a tag - drabble!! :)
btw, did i tell you tht the narration is awesome.. maybe ter is no connection, but the moment i read it, i thought of soorya in the army flight in varanam aayiram :)
even i wanted to be in army :) even got selected in the all india test! got rejected during group discussion, tht was in 2000, i din know to speak hindi then :) lol, shhhh!!!! :)
Kartik Swaminathan-I salute you.Take a bow.
Brilliant!
oohhhh... what grief and pain. such a pathetic situation u`v well explained. :)
Profound and emotional.Beautiful composition from accomplished hands.:)
left me speechles!! as always..
but this is very close to reality.. loved it..
55 fiction is the in thing..
and next big things seems to be the drabble :D
thumbs up!!
*Bows to thee*
*Thinking it unsufficient, bows some more* :P
Bloody brilliant work man!!!
The scenes played out in front of me live.
Sigh! The futility of war. :(
And Drabble....hmmmm...nice. :)
*Applauses as a last effort to convey what a great piece of work it is*
Cheers
Brilliant stuff kartz!! few words conveying a lot of emotions...some hard-hitting lines out there..."will i live to see all this ending?"...i hope i do!!
mindboggling... wonderful read... keep writing... cheers!!
Due..ths is seriously..Brilliantly written....
i must tell u...awesomly written n very well pen down..
Cheers :P
Pallav
niiice... :)
u r gettin better and better ... :)
very strong narration kartz... you wove in a lot with just 99 words :)
WOW!
no enemies, only friends...:)
the poem is a great piece...why didnt u tell me about drabble before??? i'm struggling with 55 limits!
I liked the descriptions in between :)
And I'm going to try a drabble soon :)
sometimes u surprise me wth ur posts....
it truly is one of ur best ones :)
I love the idea of the drabble, as well as your idea of life flashing about when dying - i loved the story .......... but i thought that the flash back was a bit clichéd and could have been exquisite with a bit more twist.
cheers..
Good piece of writing.
Hi Kartz-
Your mind fascinates me and your written expressions and images take eme on a wild ride of emotion, many emotions.
You are so very talented and I just adore you.
Love Gail
peace.....
It was an amazing post and I loved it Kartz!
Beutiful!
Reality sucks big time.
Alot of the time we get sucked into our dreams n hopes that seem beautiful from AFAR.
I love the way u presented this post.
Keshi.
Beautifully written.....
There is a clear difference in each part shown....
I liked the aged4 one and got amazed at the reality thing...
Keep writing..:)
reality slaps hard. but do we have a choice?
Hmmm... Predictable. But nicely written. Especially that verse at the end!
good that u dnt stick to 55..this was as good as a movie script..too touching topics yours are...almost always! :)
I really like these 55s people write! So much said in such a few words :)
Loved this one too!
Swell, mate! :)
nicee.. loved the post.. and the narration..
Reality, reality... Did I say - reality?
ANd btw, DoTA tourney over the weekend. :)
sad... ah well, at least he lived his life. And realized, too...
Reality is such a killer! Hats off, whoever u are, kartz.
Cant help but WONDER... nice!!!
absolutely brilliant!! i juz loved it :)
A beauty! felt like it was my own father there... that last bit...
arumai.. 55 fiction soodu pidukudhu
chriz
nice one... the poem alone said it all.. :)
reality bytes. period.
reality bytes. period.
reality bytes. period.
Hmmm... neat one, man. U cud submit dis 4 a contest entry @ SW.
touching, maannnn... :-(
touching, maannnn... :-(
##Kajal
Yes! U first! ;)
And thanks...
##Mehreen
Thank you! :)
And you came a close second. :P
##Velu
Ummm, it can be. I say so. :P
Thanks for the visit. And the read.
##Seher
:( Sholly!
I am sure I'd ve missed. Bad aim, u see. :P*
##Vikram
I agree, bro'... Thanks for the read.
##Mayank
Thanks, dude!
##Anil
Heh heh heh, yeah, tht's there. ;)
I dint like VA. Not mes taste. :|
Heh heh heh, but u r speaking it now. ;) Good luck if u ever decide to try again!
##Jayu
You humble me, Auntie. :)
##Archana
Thanks! :)
##Sneha
Glad yo ulike it. :)
##Richa
Thanks buddy. :)
##Isha
His Lordship demands you to bow more. ;)
Heh heh heh, thanks a lot buddy. I hope to not become vain with all that appreciation and adulation. ;)
##Mona
Thanks yaar... :)
##Pallav
Thanks mate!
##Siddharth
Lookie who's back! ;)
Ha ha, dude, the sky is my limit! :)
##Amritorupa
Thanks! :)
##Vinaya
Well, now u know! ;)
##Kirti
Waiting! :)
##Joyce
U mean to say I surprise u with good ones? :P* Bole to, the others are *ugh*? :P*
Thanks for the read, buddy. :)
##Muthu
Clichéd, may be. But my limited imagination can't conjure twists when it comes to the vanity and futility of war. :(
Thanks for the visit. And the read.
##Priya
Thank you ma'am!
##Gail
Thank you! :)
##Gauri
Beautiful mein spelling mistake. :P*
Thanks! ;)
##Keshi
Thanks, dudette!
##Mahesh
Thanks, dude!
##Preeti
Ah! We do - make the choice before it makes u!
##Kevin
Thansk!
##Verbi
Thank you, ma'am! :)
##DI
:) Thanks, ma'am!
##Jake
Thanks!
##Anila
Thanks buddy! :)
##dark-arthas
Thanks! And yeah - registered!
##Overmind
Thanks dude...
##Anonymous
Thanks!
##G
Thanks!
##Sashu
Long time no see...
Thanks! :)
##Anonymous
Thanks... And sorry if it brought harsh memories.
##Chriz
This is drabble. :P*
##Archana
Thanks buddy! :)
##Anonymous
You said it...
[spammer's can eff-O!] [spam comment deleted]
##Blake
I don't post there anymore. THanks anyway!
[spammer's can eff-O!] [spam comment deleted]
[spammer's can eff-O!] [spam comment deleted]
##Blitz
Thanks for the read...
Karthik! That was so poignant...I loved the flash back to childhood and safety...wonderful writing. Thanks for tagging me.
I can't seem to get into your web page when I click on the link you send me....can you tell me what I am doing wrong?
Drabble??? Am getting into new terms now!! Any more surprises?? Poems, stories.. :)
Ah.. superb one Kartz.. :) :)
##DheeraThank you, ma'am.
And from next time, please head straight to this page, rather than trying to access it from facebook.
##KarthikThay just keep coming, don't they? ;)
Thanks for the visit. And the read.
##KanagarajThanks, man... Hope you had an uber trip!
55 fiction or drabble .. i loved it :)
What charming answer
Yes, almost same.
Genial post and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you on your information.
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