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Thursday, 29 May 2008

Magma Forge- Ramifications of Rage

Ever wondered what could possibly blow a beautiful relationship to Kingdome Come?

Linkin Park was his new interest. "Breaking the Habit" was the current track.

I don't know what's worth fighting for,
Or why I have to scream?
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean!
I don't know how I got this way;
I'll never be alright!
So, I'm breaking the habit!
I'm breaking the habit!
I’m breaking the habit!

He was standing all alone in the dimly lit room. Rain clouds were gathering; for once, BBCs weather forecast seemed to be spot-on! He caught his reflection on the glass window... Those eyes! He stared long and hard... Those were the same eyes she had admired. They could express and convey his emotions with ease. They could reveal what his face would otherwise easily hide. Whenever he would look into her beady eyes, his would nuzzle and rest in those sockets. It would seem to her as if those eyes radiated all the care and warmth in the world. But the same optic spheres held a curse...

It was beginning to drizzle. The raindrops hit against the window pane and there was a distant rumbling... Thunder... The rumbling grew louder. His memory cells twitched. 'Fulminate' was one word he would often associate with himself; others being 'Poetic' and 'Mysterious'. That was the curse. For, the same deep eyes which could radiate endless care and warmth could also flush with temper; a temper so vehement that it would transform him into a Rage elemental. Paroxysmal!

The rain pattered against the window and lightning flashed... His calm self was unperturbed by the sudden ruminations. He felt no emotion and the thoughts continued to flow. George Michael's "Careless Whisper" was in his ears.

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend.
To the heart and mind,
Ignorance is kind.
There's no comfort in the truth;
Pain is all you'll find!

I'm never gonna dance again!
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend,
I know you're not a fool.

Should've known better than to cheat a friend,
And waste this chance that I've been given.
So I'm never gonna dance again,
The way I danced with you!

He never had many people around him. And he had no problems. In fact, he preferred the handful he could count-on any day. It was not that he was not approachable. He was very much affable and amiable. 'Tis just that he wanted his space. He often kept to himself; but never shirked away from people. His eloquence and clarity of thought charmed ladies and gents alike. He had a pretty ordinary sense of humour... He could get boring and he knew it. He wouldn't mind. No one was a complete package. He was proud of the person that he was- independent. There was an air of ego about him; the way he would scoff at mediocrity could testify that! But, his belief in 'Acceptance' would bury any differences. The only possible reason as to why he preferred a handful of souls around him.

She had been the opposite which completed him. Her ebullient self would often force him out of his shell. His infectious enthusiasm brushed on her too. She was impressed by his forethought, his demeanour and most importantly, his impeccable straightforwardness. In a verbatim, she had once said, "You are straight as an arrow." He was one who could call a spade a spade without batting an eyelid. Never once did she think that those eyes she admired so much held a curse.

"Hotel California" was nearing its end.

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice.
And she said "We are all just prisoners here; of our own device."
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
The stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast!

He was too straight in his dealings. For all his beliefs in 'Acceptance', he could not 'accept' anything that he felt was unfair. Especially hypocrisy. Which was why, one fateful evening his fury blazed forth- when she blurted out he was being a "trouble" to her. The composed bearing she had known for two odd years was hitherto lacerated and in its place was the Rage elemental. There had been an earlier instance when she had doubted his integrity, but that had been resolved by the sensible soul she had known. That had endeared him to her; a lot. But now, those eyes flushed with uncontrollable fury; his countenance, contorted in a scowl she had not known; and his profile was that of a Netherbeast. Once, she had laughed it off when he candidly admitted his flaring temper. She had now seen it all.

The rain did not seem to relent. The smell of soaked Earth pleased him immensely. He felt as if he was one with Nature. Mercurial... He had never hidden anything about himself; except for his deepest feelings, of course. There seemed to be a faint streak of sado-masochism in his personality. He was not one to give way to emotion; he had his own way of dealing with things. A touch of sadism because the Rage would [initially] not bother about the pain inflicted on her; and masochism because he dwelt in the pain she had caused him... Linkin Park was in his ears again. "Numb"...

I'm tired of being what you want me to be.
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface.
Don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes!
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you!
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there!
Become so tired so much more aware;
I'm becoming this.
All I want to do,
Is be more like me and be less like you!

All her apologies fell on deaf ears and were met with brusque, scathing sarcasm. Yes, she was at fault and she did accept it, however late. For once, it was against the laws of Nature and Relationship. It was the girl and not the guy who had blown up a what was a beautiful relationship. But then, by that time, he wanted his space again. No longer did he wish to be a "trouble", however [un]intentional, to anyone. His ego, pride and vanity conveniently shielded him from any possible repercussions. He ensured that she would cease to depend on him for emotional support. And with that, he had chucked the last option of any possible 'reunion' right out of the window.

He had no regrets. He had but one feeling... He had allowed his darker side to dominate when he could have been his usual, sensible self. But then again, he loathed hypocrisy. For all the 'big' words she had used on him, she had... He had always been himself. He had a nice and a nasty side to him; which he had not hidden from her. He lost someone whom he had sincerely adored. He knew it.

He continued looking out of the window. The weather was a welcome change. Zeus' lightning-bolts still filled the evening sky. Each one vying for brilliance. Hephaestus must have had a hard time forging them. Michael Jackson's "Who is it?" got our man thinking again.

I am the damned,
I am the dead,
I am the agony
Inside the dying head!

This is injustice!
Woe unto Thee!
I'll pray this punishment
Would have mercy on me!

He was philosophical with his pondering. "No one is perfect.", he was to later reflect. "It is 'Acceptance' that binds people. In our case, we accepted almost everything about each other. We were to later discern that I could not accept her bouts of hypocrisy and she could not accept my fit of... For all the 'Fire and Ice' tags we associated with our friendship, one thing was pretty much conspicuous- it had been too hot for her and I had been too cold about relenting. That is life. The test comes first, and then the lesson. It is up to us to learn the moral of each lesson." He had moved on. She did not want him in her life. Yet, she wanted him to stay on as her good friend. A grim smile crossed his lips. She had always been so- a bouquet of contradiction!

Perhaps, it was the best thing that could happen for both of them. They had grown to known each other very well, albeit for a season. They complemented one another and there was a lot they had learnt from being together. And finally, when it was time, they parted in the same manner that they had met. As two separate individuals in the walk called "Life".

The rain had by now reduced to a drizzle. Was it the calm after a storm...? Linkin Park was playing again... "What I've Done".

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands of uncertainty.
So let mercy come,
And wash away
What I’ve done!

I'll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become!
Erase myself,
And let go of
What I’ve Done!

For, what I’ve done
I start again,
And whatever pain may come,
Today this ends!
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

Music was his solace.

Monday, 19 May 2008

An Ode to you, Friend

My last post from the comfort of a single-occupancy room. I stare into the screen, blank. As an uneasy void develops within, I dedicate this piece to my friends;

"A big 'Thank You!' for everything! You have made my stay at the university worth it. For all my cribbing, I have gained the greatest treasure that ever is, was and that ever will be- your friendship. God bless and Peace unto us all."

I hate words!
For spoken, are but air.
I prefer your faith in me, unbroken;
Than list to your words so fair!

Life brings no joy like you- friend.
Faith, fulfillment and prophecy, blend
In the throb of a heart with it's own,
A heart so familiar, where we are known.

There is more unto thee;
Especially our friendship hereafter to be,
When the flower of thy life shalt blossom and unfold
Out of hindering, darkness and cold.

Love mocks thee, the raging desire
Doth not to the perfect aspire;
Nor lovest thou the soul thou wouldst win
To shut thine emptiness within.

Friend! The word runs so deep!
Friend! The heart wakes from its sleep,
To behold this world, lit by a face.
Touched we have been, by Friendship's grace!

For the pulchritude of each hour,
Of each day and each night.
For the bliss of the heart, mind and soul-
The mystic harmony, that links sound and sight!

O heart, wherein so many hearts are known,
Your infinte throb stirs our own!
O friend of friends! What are we,
Who crave and yearn for more, despite having thee?

Friday, 9 May 2008

A'08 Memorabilia- Contorted Reality

"Contorted Reality" is the title I give to this piece.

An anti-climax. The memorabilia is to be released tomorrow, May 10th. But I, do a pre-release although none of my classmates know that I blog.

Blinking? Well, this pre-release is purely for MY satisfaction. Call me vain, egotistic, call me anything; I don't care! I know the identities who have literally slogged their butts off to get our work released and I also know a couple of bastards who almost succeeded in foiling our efforts.

I dedicate this to the my 'A' Section however much I have loathed being a part of it. But for a handful of guys, I don't find anyone worth wasting my memory cells on.

Wrote Emily Dickenson,
Success is counted sweetest, by those who ne’er succeed
To comprehend a nectar, requires sorest need.

On similar lines, we do not realize the value of any moment until it is part of history. ‘Tis but human to end up feeling void when a realization is driven home, cruelly. Here we stand, at the brink of another reality- one that will bring a smile to our lips, a tear to our eye; something that has actually brought us closer in the days gone by, something that will be fondly remembered by each and every one of us this day forth…

In the back of our minds, we will fervently hope this moment lasts longer than what was destined. Wednesday, 16th April 2008, will forever be enshrined- not in our memories alone but in our hearts as well.

Newer days will dawn upon us. Days that will see us wake to newer tasks, meet new people and even bump into someone who we last saw many years back! It is but a hectic world out there that awaits us. Days will become weeks, which will in turn become months and then, years.

Doesn’t all that sound different? Waking up one fine day in the near future and realizing that you are no longer the student you were, but a young professional (Oh, the ramifications of a technical degree!) ready to found your feet in the dog-eat-dog world that exists around you… No teaching staff that was renowned for being monotonous in their soliloquy and more specifically, none of those familiar faces you were so used to seeing by your side and around you.

Section A’08, disbanded and no longer in its panache- the first thing that may probably strike you when you think of all that. For all the "stay in touch" promises made, you will count how many were kept and how many more, broken. (And silently swear at those who failed to stay in touch- without realizing you are likely to be among the guilty too!)

There will come a time when you feel like warping back in time- to be part of ‘A’ section again. To be back with those who were close to you, to come out with something you had always wanted to, to take part in some nonsense or the other, to get back to those days of little or no care; even if it is for a few fleeting seconds! Four baccalaureate years had passed you by so quickly; you probably never realized it in the course of the same four, seemingly unending years of dull-drudgery!

Then will come the sad realization yet again; but only this time, it will lead to a smile- true and rich with all your ruminations. You had been part of a faction that was



Peace unto us all.

Thursday, 8 May 2008

"Tag!" time...

Okay, I have been tagged by Matangi Mawley and I am required to pen down;

10 things I am missing in life right now: Ah, tough one. I am not one to 'miss' anything in life but here goes nothing!

1.) My older brother, who I hardly get to see each year. It is another thing that my temper tends to fly at least once in the few days that I get to spend with him.

2.) My paternal grandfather and his older brother (Periya Thatha); two of the finest gentlemen I have known and my sincere well-wishers.

3.) My childhood; something I will never get back. The days spent in Vadodara and Kolkata (erstwhile Calcutta). Reminds me of the following lines by Stephen Foster;

Gone are the days
When my heart was young and gay.
Gone are my friends
From the cotton fields away.
Gone from this place,
To a better land I know.
I hear their gentle voices calling:
Old Black Joe

4.) My first school- Humpty Dumpty; (stop laughing!) and one Mrs. Ila Mukherjee ("Ila aunty" as I used to address her)

5.) And how can I forget Calcutta Boys' School... Not easy to describe a school such as that in a few words. 

6.) to 10.) Nothing else. Period.

10 things I want to achieve within a decade: To me, a success- however small- is an achievement. Small pleasures in life; something many people fail to take pride in. It is these small successes that give you a much needed boost when your spirits are sapped.

1.) Anger management.

2.) A Masters/Management degree from some place WAY better than the one which will confer upon me my Baccalaureate degree.

3.) Hopefully, get into a Research field.

4.) Ensure my parents QUIT worrying... (That will be my biggest achievement!)

5.) Become a better individual- and make a difference.

Now, for the not-so-common things...

6.) Understand the tarot.

7.) Analyse dreams and handwriting.

8.) Have an OBE (no, it is NOT the Order of the British Empire!)

9.) Find out if something called the 'other side' actually exists.

10.) Get a better understanding of the universe and the possibility of time travel.

Now, I tag ArnavGiriPoornaPriyaa and Susmita



Vox Populi...

Veni, vidi...


"Santa" Akshat comes to town!

"Santa" Akshat comes to town!
A token from a fellow blogging compadre, Akshat

Lady Cяystal relates...

Lady Cяystal relates...
Note - her creativity *swells* with every block. :)