Twisted Carols

Christmas Carol for the Disturbed... (Not original; found it in one of my forums)

* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...........

A mother's teaching...

Things only a mother can teach.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

An Anniversary Wish...

To my brother & sister-in-law.. I wrote this at around one in the morning. The clumsiness surfaced soon; I sent it to them 24 hours in advance!

Here's wishes for a couple,
That are filled with nothing less
Than all the dreams they hope for
And continued happiness.

Today, on your anniversary,
As you celebrate your love,
We toast with hearts of gladness
As the Almighty smiles down from above.

As priceless as a garden
Bathed in perfume of a rose,
May the beauty of your togetherness
Bloom fuller as time grows.

Bacchanalia!

The Rajini frenzy is on..!

The 'anxious-if-not-agonizing' wait is over.

And it doesn't come as a surprise to see such bacchanalian celebrations marking the release of another Rajinikanth movie; make that "Superstar" Rajinikanth! Bacchanalian may not sound appropriate, but I don't see any other word that would match such revelry. Such orgies were witnessed in ancient Greece in honour of Bacchus (The God of Wine, also known as Dionysus) and Demeter.

Such is the status of Rajinikanth. A demi-God... Because of his ability to pull the masses with his mere look. I was watching a documentary on CNN-IBN and was surprised at the numbers game where he cleanly sidelined the Baadshah of Indian cinema, Amitabh Bachchan- be it monetary, or number of fan-clubs, anything!

I don't suppose I will watch Sivaji for the time being- I'm not into movies in general, anyway. But the reviews are disappointing to read. That was expected- because 9 times out of 10, any movie that has been hyped beyond imagination does not match expectations. And what really surprised me was Allah Rakha Rahmans weird music number in "Oru koodai sunlight..."

Coming back to the God-like status. Atleast, Rajinikanth does not fail his fan-following, which is one credit that he deserves without any doubt. Critics will be critics. But when it comes to Team India? Ah, the Gods that fail us, in our expectations, as we fail in our expecting in them.

Team India!

Square one again...

Here we are, at home and in bewilderment as to why this is happening to our beloved Men in Blue... They were already more than just "blue" at the end of a cataclysmic Carribean expedition.

The BCCI is currently on the look out for its lost nose, which was first chopped off by Graham Ford and then kicked out of sight by John Embury. Now they have sufficient time to get themselves a nose before proceeding with the selection process. The time has come in the form of old Chandu. A scapegoat aged 72 who does not believe in the "generation gap" stuff. Ah, one sure can't teach this old dog new tricks- be them LOIs or T20Is.

BCCI is in a lovely soup. They knocked Dav Whatmore out from the contenders race and gloated over having short-listed a 'low profile' coach. After scratching their heads, an ingenious solution came out in the form of Chandu Borde. Now to see if things really click. It won't be too long before we see another terrible spate in terms of performance which willl lead to more head sratching. Lately, there have been comments like, the Indians do not need a coach- Whoa, are we seeing a bunch of Roger Federers out there?? Oh please... That would be the last thing [un]imagineable!

And it's high time people like Bishen Singh Bedi start taking "action" rather than squatting and saying what he likes and does not like. I am not surprised that people like Sunil Gavaskar are maintaining low key profiles now. He has never played for the country- so he will do little as coach. God save...

Ad majorem "Team India" gloriam.

Sextuplets?!

Rare cases of women giving birth to sextuplets!

Arizona has its very first set of surviving sextuplets, courtesy of 32-year-old Jenny Masche. Masche gave birth by Caesarian section on Monday to three girls and three boys at Phoenix’s Banner Good Samaritan Hospital. The babies were delivered at 30 weeks and four days, all but one weighing in at under 3 lbs. Doctors were set for all sorts of complications, but the delivery went smoothly, one of the three doctors who delivered the babies, John Elliott, said.

As in many multiple births of this magnitude, Jenny Masche and her husband Brian had turned to science for help after struggling to conceive naturally. Mr. Masche admits that he and his wife were “terrified” when they discovered in December that the artificial insemination method they’d opted for had led to sextuplets. Now, he feels “blessed and excited.”

The odds of having six babies at once is only 1 in 4.7 billion. The odds change drastically when fertilization treatments come into the picture.

A couple in Minnesota also gave birth to sextuplets, theirs arriving before midnight on Sunday. Brianna and Ryan Morrison used fertility treatments as well. Their four boys and two girls were delivered after just twenty-two weeks, the lightest one weighing 11 oz, the heaviest, 1 lb, 3 oz.

What is the world coming to? As it is, we are suffering from "over-population" and now, we come across something like this. I am happy for a childless couple to be blessed with children; but, u see pal, isn't ummmm.... Isn't six a BIG number? Ah well, the Divine has His own way of blessing people.

What will science do next? Somewhere, down the line, you can watch out for 'Controlled artificial insemination'. And how WELL that will control, time will tell.

Moving onto more serious things now, how will you react to such news? There is a new sunshine in the couples life, of course- which is pure happiness. But, then again, they will have voices against them too- it is a funny world that we live in. Already, I have heard some views which do not sound so 'positive' if I may say (barring the fact that the people who shared their views with me their views are genuinely happy for the couple who have have been blessed).

But what do you think can be done if such cases are detected early?

All set; doing nothing!

This is what I call, "All set, doing nothing..."

Early in my sixth semester, one of the staff I really admire- Mr. John Bosco Balaguru (JBB, as he is fondly known) was commenting in class about being in touch with the latest developments. In one of his lectures, he said, "You can master the 8051 microcontroller in just 15 days. Then, you can proceed with learning the higher controllers such as the Atmega, blah blah blah... It will be useful when you attend your campus interviews."

Surprisingly, it caught my fancy. 15 days? Master the syllabus in 15 days? And then shove it aside, move on to the really-super-duper-ultra-cool 'stuff of the minute' rather than stick on and cram all that obsolete crap I study as part of my university Microcontroller syllabus. So, with a mission in mind, I went about collecting the material necessary for my 15 day stairway to glory.

15 days came and went. I was the same. Not enlightened in any new way. Instead, I was left wondering how any human would master the 8051 in 15 days when all that material seemed Greek and Latin to me. (Now, don't ask if I am THAT slow a learner, but there are times when such 'knowledgeable material' leaves me stoned as... stone!)

So... There I was, set to do something but ended up doing nothing. This is but one in a number of pretty similar events.

Ever heard of déjà vu? Well, that's what I experience most of the times. It does surprise me, because those are the few times I am not what I am. It is rare that I end up NOT doing something when I set myself up to do it. The worst part is, this rarity happens at a crucial point of time... And the reason I act oblivious and not bothered to the precious time that invariably went waste? Hmmmm, gotta think..

Time...

Time- something which always intrigues me..

Time is something that captures my imagination. HG Wells went into a different plane with his Time Machine. Richard Gott explained about time travel in Einsteins universe. Thoughts at around three in the morning...

Time- the ultimate revealer.
Time- the ultimate healer.
Time- with it comes hope and a new day,
Time- will tell how many stay true to what they say.
Time- will tell how many souls will be pained,
Time- something precious, that can never be gained.
Time- you can bide, but never buy;
But, there is a time to be born...
And a time to die.

Well, at three in the morning, I can only grope for words after surfacing from the world of "Age of Mythology".

Kartz in Blogsville!

Blogging started due to popular requests..

 

Funny, as they say, its's the will o' the wisp...

Many people asked me if I blogged and my response would be a complete shocker to them. So, no more shocks. Populi, I have finally started blogging, and hopefully I won't disappoint you with a hiatus between posts. 

Vanakkam-Hello-Salaam Namaste-Allo to everyone. For starters, my blog may turn out to be full of gibberish- which the 'lesser mortals' will have a tough time to comprehend and ultimately give up hurling curses at the wretch who wasted their time... Ah well, you never know. I may seem to be a philosopher and a cynic at the same time.

A big thanks to my friends who pepped me up to start blogging. I hope I don't let you guys down. And people, feel free to post your comments. Yes, this may be one of those rare opportunities that you can get to lampbast this fellow! 

And for those of you who are wondering why I chose Opera instead of the Blogger or WordPress et al, well, I am being optimistic- I hope to blog using my mobile phone too! 

Now, as I am new out here in the world of blogging, you can do me small favour by leaving some 'advice'.