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Friday, 3 April 2009

An ode, A promise...



Momentary bliss with you 'round,
Nature - you are beauty profound!
Soulful colours, your own splendour,
Sights to behold - "How!?", I wonder...

Nature - you are beauty profound!
With curves, certified to astound;
A grand feast for those truly bless't,
How enchantingly art thou drest!

Soulful colours, your own splendour,
Blinding rage, tears you asunder!
The rising tide, the spewing flame,
Ne'er shall you be the human's game!

Sights to behold - "How!?", I wonder...
Beseech thee - pardon our blunder.
One Earth, we inhabit and share,
We promise, O Gaea - we care.
---


Notice something different..? 

That was my first attempt at a style known as the retourne. Like so many other French forms, the retourne (from the French word, retourner - to return) is all about repetition

A retourne is comprised of four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The pattern goes like this - the second line of the first stanza must be the first line of the second stanza. The third line of the first stanza should be the first line of the third stanza. Likewise, the fourth line of the first stanza must be the first line of the fourth stanza.

Retournes need not rhyme. But considering my penchant for rhymes, I ensured this one did. :)

122 comments:

sawan said...

me first??

Kartz said...

Ha ha, bang on time, bro'... :) Your take? :)

sawan said...

bro, u r awesome!!! retourne is something new to me.. and uve weaved it so very well.. i so want to try it but m so scared looking at the way u did :)

Kartz said...

##Sawan
Now now, someone's being too humble. Frankly, I was waiting for you to rip this apart! First attempts always draw criticism, you know... :)

Thank you for the kind words, bro'... And yes, I am waiting for you to write one, next! Good luck!

Pallav said...

i m second....

yipeee....

hahehehe..
this very intersting n i hv heard of this... first time.....

looking fwd for more..
gr888

cheers:)

Netika Lumb said...

While reading I could notice the pattern but I didn't know it was retourne..
Anyway, nice attempt :)
Different from what you usually read.

PS: I didn't know the first comment is supposed to rip apart the authors work..
Thank god my comments are moderated ;)

Kartz said...

##Pallav
Thanks bro'...

Kartz said...

##Netika
Ha ha, well, I meant - a first attempt at anything [for that matter] can draw flak/criticism, nain? (I didn't mean the first *comment*)

Thanks. :)

Lena said...

wow! i loved it.. not even yours attempt on it but the whole idea of retourne, the pattern and all.. looks beautiful

and yes, you werent bad either :P

sawan said...

now Lena is being smart there with tht comment, right bro? :P the post is linked, u may want to check it :)

Kartz said...

##Lena
Too kind. :) Now u have something to think of for your next post!

Thank me later. :P

Kartz said...

##Sawan
Lena? Smart? *cough* *choke* *gasp* Ummm, I guess! :P But she is nice-nice. :)

And thanks a ton! Linked you up to my post, too. I find this a better way as opposed to using the "Add links to this post" option...

sawan said...

i dont even know how "add links to this post" works :) and Lena is smart alrite?? :P

Kartz said...

Of course she is. The goody-goody Piscean that she is. :) No, I do not mean fishy! :D

Lena said...

:| :| :|

me is all smart, cute, lovely and lots more!

Kartz said...

Lookie lookie who's here!?! :D

*ponders about self-appraised opinions*

Naaah... :) Of course Lena, dear. A lot lot more. Who'd dare to disagree..? ;D

Lena said...

really, who? :P
i bet you wouldnt! :D

Kartz said...

*angelic smile*

:)

Lena said...

devils have angelic smiles? :O :O
i can see through you! :P

Kartz said...

Am a devilish angel. >:)

*oooh! X-Ray vision* :P

*imagines Lena in a blue outfit, red cape, bright red undie on top of the blue suit, et al*

Ta-da!

LMAO! :D

sawan said...

bro, eitr add me to ur gtlk or gime ur id. [anil.sawan]

Kartz said...

Added, bro'! Thanks! (kartster)

яノςんム said...

wow.. indeed beautiful as always and thnx for acquainting us with a new form.. :)

Chronicwriter said...

sooper repetisaons brother..

naanga ellaam vaazha mara thoappukkula poyi banana saapiduvoam... but kavidhai writiing... sooper


www.chronicwriter.com

Kartz said...

##Richa
Glad u liked it... :)

Kartz said...

##Chronicwriter
*brother* doesn't have a VasNum spelling? ;) Thankfully I read ur post - else I'd ve been thinking what ever happened to ur spellings! ;)

Thanks for the read, bro'..!

Ermmm, analogy between eating a banana and writing poem? Purile! :(

the pink orchid said...

more than the poem your comments section was so interesting..


ofcourse your poem left me speechless.. it is so soulful.. i love nature and you made me fall in love all over again.

bondgal_rulz said...

Retourner ?? Nice concept....

And as always great work. :)

Et monsieur, je continuerai à retourner ici. :P

Cheers

ANWESA said...

i loved the post!!nature makes man humble..

americanising desi said...

i come here and i feel like strangling you until you die.
why?
ahhh dont ask me, look at you!! show off :P
i m never too busy to come here when i see my blog update me about you!

dude this is awesome. i mean what do you do when you are not doing anything or vice versa?
damnn you :P

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

wowwwwww so very beautiful.

i tried to rip it apart. but i failed here big time kartz. :p


i wud try it out some day. :) wish me good luck :D

tske care

Amrita~Ams said...

gr8...
all ur poems r so lovely...
keep writting :)

.a. said...

Nice, and i learned something new too! hmm.
will sure have my take on this one soon.

back to the poem,
I kinda lack the ability to rhyme poems, most of the times they dont rhyme, so technically i envy, with a slight hint of wonder, people who can rhyme. and that also includes you.

to the poem, well yesthere is a divine hand we can see all there :) I love nature, I like to write about it, ponder over it and enjoy it, hence i liked it immensely.

the last two words - we care, well my old cellular network has this slogan, 'warid (the name) - we care' so it was Nostalgic too :P

Obsidian said...

breath-taking! just too good!

Arnab Majumdar said...

That was beautiful man... and the pattern certainly was interesting. I like nature poems, but it's kinda sad that I've lost that penchant for writing them myself.

Great stuff dude... cheers...

Jake said...

Too good, boss! Too good... Keep 'em coming!

Gail said...

Hi Kartz-

Beautiful images, lovely retourne and thanks for the 'lesson' in poetry - very well stated.

your site is wonderful - and so are you. :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

Priya Joyce said...

Good concept!
Most of the times when I read poetry I have felt the rhyming is done for the sake of rhyming.
Well I would say I didn't feel that way about these lines...The flow was very good..

The last four lines...were superb.

well BTW same pinch on trying something new :P
have tried writing a fictional piece :P.

rampantheart said...

Hey Kartz, this is super fabulous! Thanks for coming up with something interesting like this! I am gonna write a "Retourne" pretty soon!

Kartz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
C R D said...

interesting style dude. and nice to see that uve taken pains to find out what the style was called..

or mebbe this was taught tto u, eh? :P

Nice poem. mebbe ill try it out sometime :)

Cheers
CRD

Kartz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kartz said...

##the pink orchid
Ha ha, yeah it sure was...

Oooohhh! Me flattered! :)

Kartz said...

##bondgal_rulz
Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle. Je suis plus content! :)

Kartz said...

##Anwesa
Gratias. Good to see you again...

Kartz said...

##amercanising desi
Kill li'l li'l me? :'(

**show off
- *devil grin* >:)

**i m never too busy to come here when i see my blog update me about you!
- errr...??? ;D

**i mean what do you do when you are not doing anything or vice versa?
- ish a cheekret! Ha! ;P

And u damning li'l li'l me? :'(

Kartz said...

##Preetilata
Thank you, dear... :)

Yeah, prolly at another first attempt, but I'll be careful. :)

Kartz said...

##Amrita
And ummm, readers such as yourself make this space lovelier.

Thanks! :)

Kartz said...

##.a.
Waiting to see your take at a retourne soon! :)

Ha ha... Come on re, it ain't all abt rhyming. Li'l me has nothing for u to envy either... :)

Kartz said...

##Obsidian
Thanks, mate...

Kartz said...

##Arnab Majumdar
Well, I can say the same thing when it comes to writing stories! Tell u what, u get back to poetry and 'll switch to prose! ;)

Thanks for the read, bro'...

Kartz said...

##Jake
Tx... Keep visiting!

Kartz said...

##Gail
Thank you for the kind words, ma'am! Well, things are made lovelier thanks to readers such as yourself.

:)

Kartz said...

##Priya Joyce
Danke... And yep, will see urs soon. ;p

Kartz said...

##rampantheart
Ah! Thanks! Waiting to see your attempt at a retourne sometime soon...

Kartz said...

##CRD
Good to see u back, mate. How are you these days?

And well, if I had been taught this, ummm, it wd ve been better. :P

Waiting to see your attempt at a retourne sometime soon, bro'.

Tc.

Chaarz said...

This is Very interesting..

Its so good to learn new styles of writing.. Very nice..
Keep up..
Lovely choice of words..:)

Mayz said...

by gods ki kasam isko kehte hain creativity...matlab wah wahi lootiye aap...fan ho gaya hoon main toh

mona said...

an interesting form of poetry.. thanks for sharing this one.. itching to try my hand at it...

as usual... rich verses and beautiful flow... !!! i bow to thee...!!

Anonymous said...

Can't argue with anything... We ought to treat the Earth in a better way...

Kartz said...

##Chaarz
Gratias, milady...

Kartz said...

##Mayz
Humbled. Hope to not disappoint ur fan-ship...

Kartz said...

##mona
Thank you, dear. I appreciate your feedback. And yes, please do give it a shot. Waiting to read...

Kartz said...

##Anonymous
I really wish u leave behind some contact detail... Thanks for the read.

evangelist said...

niiiiceeee....

checked one of ur older ones too - fall of the keeper; TFT, rite?

Usha Pisharody said...

Wow, that is both stylish and wonderfully poetic, not to mention aesthetically and verbally great gymnastics as well :)

Keep em comin'!

jayu said...

Kartz-interesting.
Retourne is a different style altogether.

I liked it-it was unusual.

But,[and this is not criticism but my personal opinion],I prefered your poem about Mother Earth-''Gaia'' more.

divyaiyer said...

Oooh! A rhyming retourne! Me likes! :D

dark-arthas said...

msg beautifully put across! keep writing!

Anonymous said...

Interesting... & ya, nice rhyming too...

Kartz said...

##evangelist
Thanks for stopping by... Yes, it was from TFT. Huge WarCraft fan, here.

Kartz said...

##Usha Ma'am
Thank you for the kind words... :)

Kartz said...

##Jayu
Ah! Glad you liked it, Auntie... :) Well, tbh, I expected a lot of criticism for this one. Purely because this is rather new...

And oh yes, Gaia's Indignation was way more flamboyant than this. I had to be a bit subdued here thanks to the syllable constraint. Nontheless, it is the attempt tht satisfies me... :)

Thank you for the feedback!

Kartz said...

##Divya Iyer
Glad you liked it ma'am. Heh heh heh, yeah - rhyming... ;)

Kartz said...

##dark-arthas
Thanks... And I see another G-Arena WoW/TFT/DoTA visitor..???

Kartz said...

##Anonymous
Tx for the read, sir/ma'am...

Keshi said...

VERY INTERESTING!

Loved it Kartz. This is the first time I've ever come across a retourne. U did very well too!

Keshi.

ki said...

I've seen this for the first time. :)

Maybe I'll try one too! Bravo, vous ecrivez tres bien :D

kevin said...

neat work, pal... Do log-in to SW sometime...

Meghna said...

OMG!!!
Being here looks lyk i'm at a writers abode
I'm in awe!

Nivedita said...

I loved the technical aspect of the poem, but it hardly made me feel, it kind of shut out the reader. Maybe that's because I'm a lousy reader, but a poet should make a lousy reader feel too.

RINZU SUSAN RAJAN said...

ahaaa...a nice attempt...i am trying form poetry as wel..

keep writing

Bob_27786 said...

tht was darn nice, matey... keep writing!

Anonymous said...

gd to see osme sorta awareness bein generated...

Live life like there is no tomorrow..... said...

nice one...u did a god job tryin ur hand on this kinda stuff..thanx for ur comments...on my post...keep posting...coz it is a pleasure t read ur posts...

Kartz said...

##Keshi
Thanks, mate! :)

Kartz said...

##Ki
Sure; waiting to see your retourne sometime soon...

Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle. Je suis tres content!

Bienvenue à Contorted Reality... I appreciate your time to drop-in and leave a note.

Peace. Have an nice day.

Kartz said...

##kevin
Not any time in the near future! Thanks for the read...

Kartz said...

##Meghna
Thank you for the generous mention...

Welcome to Contorted Reality; I appreciate your time to drop-in and leave a note...

Peace.

Kartz said...

##Nivedita
Do you mean to say that it was running dry..? Or something like that..?

Thank you for the read. I assure you that it wasn't lousy.

How were your exams..?

Peace.

Kartz said...

##RINZU SUSAN RAJAN
Thank you, ma'am...

Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time and your readership.

Peace.

Kartz said...

##Bob_27786
Gracias amigo...

Kartz said...

##Anonymous
Thanks for reading...

Kartz said...

##Live life like there is no tomorrow.....
Dropping-in at your web space was my pleasure...

Welcome to Contorted Reality

Thank you for stopping-by to leave a note. I appreciate your time and your readership.

Peace.

oo7 said...

never heard of it...
but i liked what i read.
nice blog mate...
:)

AV said...

hey!! a great one!! was a really gud read!! keep it going buddy!! :)

cheers!

Priya said...

Very well written:)) Haven't posted anything and its just my mind is so blank or moods may be.. Not a good weather here until u see leaves green...

Pretty Me!! said...

this is wat i was trying to remember !! i read this one n noted to myself to try this !! but was in a hurry so forgot :( did not even commnet ! sowie !! this was really beautiful :) will try it soon !

Vinnie said...

hmmm..u r a polyglot alright!

first time in ur blog n i am the 99th !! also u wrote a 'retourne' first time...its very beautiful:)
we could put it up for Earth day!

i will give it a shot too sometime soon..thanks for sharing this, Kartz !!

Kartz said...

##oo7
Thanks, bro'...

Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time and hope to see you more often.

Peace.

Kartz said...

##AV
Vielen danke! So good to have you back..! :)

Kartz said...

##Priya
Thank you, ma'am...

Hope to see you come up with something very soon! :)

Kartz said...

##Pretty Me!!
Waiting to see your attempt... And thanks for the read. :)

Kartz said...

##Vinnie
Yes, I am a polyglot. Thank you for the read. And oh yes, Earth Day here I come!

Waiting to see your attempt at a retourne. :)

Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time and hope to see you more often.

Peace.

R.V said...

WOW! This is something I have to try. I didnt even realise the repetition. It fit so beautifully. Brilliant. This ensured I will follow you

Pretty Me!! said...

hey i suggestion .. do link the source of ur knowledge wen u try a new poem form .. i wanted to copy the rules for later use but cud not and den i had to search in google so much for it !!

Thanks !

Pretty Me!! said...

Attempted : "Why did I?"

oo7 said...

rolled you :)

Kartz said...

##R.V
Thank you for the appreciation.

Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time to stop-by and leave a note.

Peace. Have a nice day.

Kartz said...

##Pratibha
Noted. And the reason why you could not copy is because I have disabled text-selection. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Kartz said...

##Pratibha
On it. Thank you for the update.

Kartz said...

##oo7
Thank you. :) Reciprocated!

verbivorehere said...

oooo so glad u talked about the pattern..nice to know that! the poetry in its new style is good too :)

Diva said...

The poem was great... i could feel some part of me soothing from within... to the flow of words.. and then the description of the technique caught my eye... Awesome buddy... This is professional writing!!! Kudos... Pappu ka promotion ho gaya ;) he he :D

Kartz said...

##verbivoreThank you, ma'am! Glad you liked it. :)

Kartz said...

##DivaOoh-aah, It's none other than me buddy, DeeeVaaa! :)

Heh heh heh, well, really glad you liked it re. Hope to get better. :)

Thanks for the read. I value your opinion.

Arnav said...

Hey kool man :)
nice poem, but the pattern is great :)

Kartz said...

##ArnavThanks dude...

workhard said...

After u mentioned retourne i went back and read it again.. u are really good in poetry...:)

Haiku poetry

Kartz said...

##workhard
Gee... Thanks. As I see it though, I can do a *lot* better. :)

Brosreview said...

A decently good effort! Keep at it!!!

Kartz said...

##AjeyThanks!

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