Momentary bliss with you 'round,
Nature - you are beauty profound!
Soulful colours, your own splendour,
Sights to behold - "How!?", I wonder...
Nature - you are beauty profound!
With curves, certified to astound;
A grand feast for those truly bless't,
How enchantingly art thou drest!
Soulful colours, your own splendour,
Blinding rage, tears you asunder!
The rising tide, the spewing flame,
Ne'er shall you be the human's game!
Sights to behold - "How!?", I wonder...
Beseech thee - pardon our blunder.
One Earth, we inhabit and share,
We promise, O Gaea - we care.
---
Notice something different..?
That was my first attempt at a style known as the retourne. Like so many other French forms, the retourne (from the French word, retourner - to return) is all about repetition.
A retourne is comprised of four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The pattern goes like this - the second line of the first stanza must be the first line of the second stanza. The third line of the first stanza should be the first line of the third stanza. Likewise, the fourth line of the first stanza must be the first line of the fourth stanza.
Retournes need not rhyme. But considering my penchant for rhymes, I ensured this one did. :)
122 comments:
me first??
Ha ha, bang on time, bro'... :) Your take? :)
bro, u r awesome!!! retourne is something new to me.. and uve weaved it so very well.. i so want to try it but m so scared looking at the way u did :)
##Sawan
Now now, someone's being too humble. Frankly, I was waiting for you to rip this apart! First attempts always draw criticism, you know... :)
Thank you for the kind words, bro'... And yes, I am waiting for you to write one, next! Good luck!
i m second....
yipeee....
hahehehe..
this very intersting n i hv heard of this... first time.....
looking fwd for more..
gr888
cheers:)
While reading I could notice the pattern but I didn't know it was retourne..
Anyway, nice attempt :)
Different from what you usually read.
PS: I didn't know the first comment is supposed to rip apart the authors work..
Thank god my comments are moderated ;)
##Pallav
Thanks bro'...
##Netika
Ha ha, well, I meant - a first attempt at anything [for that matter] can draw flak/criticism, nain? (I didn't mean the first *comment*)
Thanks. :)
wow! i loved it.. not even yours attempt on it but the whole idea of retourne, the pattern and all.. looks beautiful
and yes, you werent bad either :P
now Lena is being smart there with tht comment, right bro? :P the post is linked, u may want to check it :)
##Lena
Too kind. :) Now u have something to think of for your next post!
Thank me later. :P
##Sawan
Lena? Smart? *cough* *choke* *gasp* Ummm, I guess! :P But she is nice-nice. :)
And thanks a ton! Linked you up to my post, too. I find this a better way as opposed to using the "Add links to this post" option...
i dont even know how "add links to this post" works :) and Lena is smart alrite?? :P
Of course she is. The goody-goody Piscean that she is. :) No, I do not mean fishy! :D
:| :| :|
me is all smart, cute, lovely and lots more!
Lookie lookie who's here!?! :D
*ponders about self-appraised opinions*
Naaah... :) Of course Lena, dear. A lot lot more. Who'd dare to disagree..? ;D
really, who? :P
i bet you wouldnt! :D
*angelic smile*
:)
devils have angelic smiles? :O :O
i can see through you! :P
Am a devilish angel. >:)
*oooh! X-Ray vision* :P
*imagines Lena in a blue outfit, red cape, bright red undie on top of the blue suit, et al*
Ta-da!
LMAO! :D
bro, eitr add me to ur gtlk or gime ur id. [anil.sawan]
Added, bro'! Thanks! (kartster)
wow.. indeed beautiful as always and thnx for acquainting us with a new form.. :)
sooper repetisaons brother..
naanga ellaam vaazha mara thoappukkula poyi banana saapiduvoam... but kavidhai writiing... sooper
www.chronicwriter.com
##Richa
Glad u liked it... :)
##Chronicwriter
*brother* doesn't have a VasNum spelling? ;) Thankfully I read ur post - else I'd ve been thinking what ever happened to ur spellings! ;)
Thanks for the read, bro'..!
Ermmm, analogy between eating a banana and writing poem? Purile! :(
more than the poem your comments section was so interesting..
ofcourse your poem left me speechless.. it is so soulful.. i love nature and you made me fall in love all over again.
Retourner ?? Nice concept....
And as always great work. :)
Et monsieur, je continuerai à retourner ici. :P
Cheers
i loved the post!!nature makes man humble..
i come here and i feel like strangling you until you die.
why?
ahhh dont ask me, look at you!! show off :P
i m never too busy to come here when i see my blog update me about you!
dude this is awesome. i mean what do you do when you are not doing anything or vice versa?
damnn you :P
wowwwwww so very beautiful.
i tried to rip it apart. but i failed here big time kartz. :p
i wud try it out some day. :) wish me good luck :D
tske care
gr8...
all ur poems r so lovely...
keep writting :)
Nice, and i learned something new too! hmm.
will sure have my take on this one soon.
back to the poem,
I kinda lack the ability to rhyme poems, most of the times they dont rhyme, so technically i envy, with a slight hint of wonder, people who can rhyme. and that also includes you.
to the poem, well yesthere is a divine hand we can see all there :) I love nature, I like to write about it, ponder over it and enjoy it, hence i liked it immensely.
the last two words - we care, well my old cellular network has this slogan, 'warid (the name) - we care' so it was Nostalgic too :P
breath-taking! just too good!
That was beautiful man... and the pattern certainly was interesting. I like nature poems, but it's kinda sad that I've lost that penchant for writing them myself.
Great stuff dude... cheers...
Too good, boss! Too good... Keep 'em coming!
Hi Kartz-
Beautiful images, lovely retourne and thanks for the 'lesson' in poetry - very well stated.
your site is wonderful - and so are you. :-)
Love Gail
peace.....
Good concept!
Most of the times when I read poetry I have felt the rhyming is done for the sake of rhyming.
Well I would say I didn't feel that way about these lines...The flow was very good..
The last four lines...were superb.
well BTW same pinch on trying something new :P
have tried writing a fictional piece :P.
Hey Kartz, this is super fabulous! Thanks for coming up with something interesting like this! I am gonna write a "Retourne" pretty soon!
interesting style dude. and nice to see that uve taken pains to find out what the style was called..
or mebbe this was taught tto u, eh? :P
Nice poem. mebbe ill try it out sometime :)
Cheers
CRD
##the pink orchid
Ha ha, yeah it sure was...
Oooohhh! Me flattered! :)
##bondgal_rulz
Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle. Je suis plus content! :)
##Anwesa
Gratias. Good to see you again...
##amercanising desi
Kill li'l li'l me? :'(
**show off
- *devil grin* >:)
**i m never too busy to come here when i see my blog update me about you!
- errr...??? ;D
**i mean what do you do when you are not doing anything or vice versa?
- ish a cheekret! Ha! ;P
And u damning li'l li'l me? :'(
##Preetilata
Thank you, dear... :)
Yeah, prolly at another first attempt, but I'll be careful. :)
##Amrita
And ummm, readers such as yourself make this space lovelier.
Thanks! :)
##.a.
Waiting to see your take at a retourne soon! :)
Ha ha... Come on re, it ain't all abt rhyming. Li'l me has nothing for u to envy either... :)
##Obsidian
Thanks, mate...
##Arnab Majumdar
Well, I can say the same thing when it comes to writing stories! Tell u what, u get back to poetry and 'll switch to prose! ;)
Thanks for the read, bro'...
##Jake
Tx... Keep visiting!
##Gail
Thank you for the kind words, ma'am! Well, things are made lovelier thanks to readers such as yourself.
:)
##Priya Joyce
Danke... And yep, will see urs soon. ;p
##rampantheart
Ah! Thanks! Waiting to see your attempt at a retourne sometime soon...
##CRD
Good to see u back, mate. How are you these days?
And well, if I had been taught this, ummm, it wd ve been better. :P
Waiting to see your attempt at a retourne sometime soon, bro'.
Tc.
This is Very interesting..
Its so good to learn new styles of writing.. Very nice..
Keep up..
Lovely choice of words..:)
by gods ki kasam isko kehte hain creativity...matlab wah wahi lootiye aap...fan ho gaya hoon main toh
an interesting form of poetry.. thanks for sharing this one.. itching to try my hand at it...
as usual... rich verses and beautiful flow... !!! i bow to thee...!!
Can't argue with anything... We ought to treat the Earth in a better way...
##Chaarz
Gratias, milady...
##Mayz
Humbled. Hope to not disappoint ur fan-ship...
##mona
Thank you, dear. I appreciate your feedback. And yes, please do give it a shot. Waiting to read...
##Anonymous
I really wish u leave behind some contact detail... Thanks for the read.
niiiiceeee....
checked one of ur older ones too - fall of the keeper; TFT, rite?
Wow, that is both stylish and wonderfully poetic, not to mention aesthetically and verbally great gymnastics as well :)
Keep em comin'!
Kartz-interesting.
Retourne is a different style altogether.
I liked it-it was unusual.
But,[and this is not criticism but my personal opinion],I prefered your poem about Mother Earth-''Gaia'' more.
Oooh! A rhyming retourne! Me likes! :D
msg beautifully put across! keep writing!
Interesting... & ya, nice rhyming too...
##evangelist
Thanks for stopping by... Yes, it was from TFT. Huge WarCraft fan, here.
##Usha Ma'am
Thank you for the kind words... :)
##Jayu
Ah! Glad you liked it, Auntie... :) Well, tbh, I expected a lot of criticism for this one. Purely because this is rather new...
And oh yes, Gaia's Indignation was way more flamboyant than this. I had to be a bit subdued here thanks to the syllable constraint. Nontheless, it is the attempt tht satisfies me... :)
Thank you for the feedback!
##Divya Iyer
Glad you liked it ma'am. Heh heh heh, yeah - rhyming... ;)
##dark-arthas
Thanks... And I see another G-Arena WoW/TFT/DoTA visitor..???
##Anonymous
Tx for the read, sir/ma'am...
VERY INTERESTING!
Loved it Kartz. This is the first time I've ever come across a retourne. U did very well too!
Keshi.
I've seen this for the first time. :)
Maybe I'll try one too! Bravo, vous ecrivez tres bien :D
neat work, pal... Do log-in to SW sometime...
OMG!!!
Being here looks lyk i'm at a writers abode
I'm in awe!
I loved the technical aspect of the poem, but it hardly made me feel, it kind of shut out the reader. Maybe that's because I'm a lousy reader, but a poet should make a lousy reader feel too.
ahaaa...a nice attempt...i am trying form poetry as wel..
keep writing
tht was darn nice, matey... keep writing!
gd to see osme sorta awareness bein generated...
nice one...u did a god job tryin ur hand on this kinda stuff..thanx for ur comments...on my post...keep posting...coz it is a pleasure t read ur posts...
##Keshi
Thanks, mate! :)
##Ki
Sure; waiting to see your retourne sometime soon...
Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle. Je suis tres content!
Bienvenue à Contorted Reality... I appreciate your time to drop-in and leave a note.
Peace. Have an nice day.
##kevin
Not any time in the near future! Thanks for the read...
##Meghna
Thank you for the generous mention...
Welcome to Contorted Reality; I appreciate your time to drop-in and leave a note...
Peace.
##Nivedita
Do you mean to say that it was running dry..? Or something like that..?
Thank you for the read. I assure you that it wasn't lousy.
How were your exams..?
Peace.
##RINZU SUSAN RAJAN
Thank you, ma'am...
Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time and your readership.
Peace.
##Bob_27786
Gracias amigo...
##Anonymous
Thanks for reading...
##Live life like there is no tomorrow.....
Dropping-in at your web space was my pleasure...
Welcome to Contorted Reality
Thank you for stopping-by to leave a note. I appreciate your time and your readership.
Peace.
never heard of it...
but i liked what i read.
nice blog mate...
:)
hey!! a great one!! was a really gud read!! keep it going buddy!! :)
cheers!
Very well written:)) Haven't posted anything and its just my mind is so blank or moods may be.. Not a good weather here until u see leaves green...
this is wat i was trying to remember !! i read this one n noted to myself to try this !! but was in a hurry so forgot :( did not even commnet ! sowie !! this was really beautiful :) will try it soon !
hmmm..u r a polyglot alright!
first time in ur blog n i am the 99th !! also u wrote a 'retourne' first time...its very beautiful:)
we could put it up for Earth day!
i will give it a shot too sometime soon..thanks for sharing this, Kartz !!
##oo7
Thanks, bro'...
Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time and hope to see you more often.
Peace.
##AV
Vielen danke! So good to have you back..! :)
##Priya
Thank you, ma'am...
Hope to see you come up with something very soon! :)
##Pretty Me!!
Waiting to see your attempt... And thanks for the read. :)
##Vinnie
Yes, I am a polyglot. Thank you for the read. And oh yes, Earth Day here I come!
Waiting to see your attempt at a retourne. :)
Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time and hope to see you more often.
Peace.
WOW! This is something I have to try. I didnt even realise the repetition. It fit so beautifully. Brilliant. This ensured I will follow you
hey i suggestion .. do link the source of ur knowledge wen u try a new poem form .. i wanted to copy the rules for later use but cud not and den i had to search in google so much for it !!
Thanks !
Attempted : "Why did I?"
rolled you :)
##R.V
Thank you for the appreciation.
Welcome to Contorted Reality. I appreciate your time to stop-by and leave a note.
Peace. Have a nice day.
##Pratibha
Noted. And the reason why you could not copy is because I have disabled text-selection. Sorry for the inconvenience.
##Pratibha
On it. Thank you for the update.
##oo7
Thank you. :) Reciprocated!
oooo so glad u talked about the pattern..nice to know that! the poetry in its new style is good too :)
The poem was great... i could feel some part of me soothing from within... to the flow of words.. and then the description of the technique caught my eye... Awesome buddy... This is professional writing!!! Kudos... Pappu ka promotion ho gaya ;) he he :D
##verbivoreThank you, ma'am! Glad you liked it. :)
##DivaOoh-aah, It's none other than me buddy, DeeeVaaa! :)
Heh heh heh, well, really glad you liked it re. Hope to get better. :)
Thanks for the read. I value your opinion.
Hey kool man :)
nice poem, but the pattern is great :)
##ArnavThanks dude...
After u mentioned retourne i went back and read it again.. u are really good in poetry...:)
Haiku poetry
##workhard
Gee... Thanks. As I see it though, I can do a *lot* better. :)
A decently good effort! Keep at it!!!
##AjeyThanks!
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